RIFF MARKET

I'VE SAID IT ONCE AND I'LL SAY IT ONCE AGAIN






BAND INTERVIEWS ARE THE NEW MUSIC

This is really heating up to be our generation's Robbie Williams vs. Robbie Williams' electricity bill. Amy Winehouse. Lily Allen. What we have on our hands is the infinity gauntlet of average-looking pop singers and it's not even 4/20 yet. Let me put things in perspective for you. Somebody recently asked me over breakfast burritos whether it was possible for a blogger on the internet to like Amy Winehouse, who I'm pretty sure did shotput at Bellport High School (go clippers), and Lily Allen, a girl who's made a fortune in frequent flyer miles by convincing nice guys that "nice guys are the new asshole," here comes the clit wagon, all those YM columns I read when I was 13 are about to pay off, all aboard!, etc.--whether it was possible to like both these girls at once and not get caught in the middle of one mindblowing reverse Eiffel Tower-type situation. Keep in mind I don't think you can take those subway condoms on the plane with you. No fucking way. So what's the 011, mudfighter? Good luck getting these girls to see a movie together and split a sundae/cone at Sundaes and Cones afterwards.



AMY WINEHOUSE: 71 RIFFS
LILY ALLEN: 48 RIFFS
SUNDAES AND CONES ON 10TH STREET: 72 RIFFS

Labels: food, music

Best Jobs in the Music Industry

As several people have already inquired, there's a lot of speculation re why I'm back in the blogging game five posts/week after nearly three weeks of 0-1 posts/week. I admit it. I'm like the fucking Blog Lazarus of this blog. Everyday is the Wedding of Cana around here isn't it. Pour wine into my mouth and watch me piss out a crown of thorns. But as none of you have guessed, it is not because I am catching up on some popular movies from the last few years, such as Borat (fat guy not fat enough), Mean Girls (not enough of the Indian kid who likes math--maybe for sequel?), Labyrinth (too similar to actual labyrinths), and Children of Men (should have been exclusively about this guy:



).

As all of you have guessed, it's because I've been doing a lot of thinking about music, and the music industry, specifically best jobs within the biz, i.e. bizjobs. I've also been thinking about the worst bizjobs too but maybe that's implicit. So this is what I've got for you. These are the best and worst jobs in the music industry. If you're on the fence, I would strongly recommend taking one of the best bizjobs before taking one of the worst bizjobs.

BEST BIZJOBS

1. The guy who licenses rap music to the US Army for use in Gitmo torture sessions. I had lunch with this guy over the weekend and he makes a lot more money than you'd think

2. The guy who drives around the city honking at dogs crapping on the sidewalk. Pretty sure he works at Interscope

WORST BIZJOBS

1. lead singer of the Twilight Sad

2. bassist for Alice Coltrane

Labels: music