RIFF MARKET

---

Each contributor to the 12 DAYS OF SPIDERRIFFMAS was told: OK I'll let you jump on a record, but listen Kite Runner! You got 35 minutes max. Because I do not want no Bonfire of the Vanitas like last year. So the only rule was: Thou shalt not write more than 35 minutes--capito? Also if anybody knows what happened to my man Don Pollyanna get at me! Also if anybody knows a good dentist-- FANG.

---

YEAR IN RIFFS: ROB KLEIN
One Morning in the Life of a Guy Who Posts Comments on the Internet

Good morning, internet! You're looking well, old friend. Share with me now your delights, won't you?

I believe I shall begin with youtube. I do so love a good youtube! Look, here is a short comedic video made by some teenagers.

...

Hm. Not as funny as I'd hoped. Though I do suppose it could've been worse. I shall offer them my honest reaction by typing out a brief yet pithy comment: "I think...that you guys are fags...and I honestly wish...I could cut off your dicks...and rape you to death with them..."

There. That seems fair. Onward then, to politics! I think I'll read some conservative blogs today. I know I'm a democrat but perhaps this will be the day OH MY GOD WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK IS THIS. WHO DOES THIS GAPING ASSHOLE THINK HE IS EXPRESSING CONSERVATIVE VIEWPOINTS ON A WEBSITE FOR CONSERVATIVES. Goodness. I must help this vulgarian to see the error in his ways. I shall do this by comparing him to a bucket full of a retarded man's farts.

Aaaand done. What's next? Ah, here's an imdb thread addressing the films of Will Ferrell. And this commenter thinks "Blades of Glory" his best performance. Ha! I shall set him straight, posthaste! "Everyone...with half a brain...knows the jews planned 9-11."

You know, I'm not certain that actually gets across all my thoughts on Will Ferrell. Yet it makes some valuable points, like my hatred of jews, and the fact that I am an idiot. I think I'll leave it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go chat with some coworkers and serve as coach to my daughter's youth soccer team.

97 S'FANGS

Labels: year-in-riffs-2007