RIFF MARKET

---

DID SOMEBODY CALL THE EXTERMINATOR?! Yolanda?! Ha ha! Nope with a capital P! But seriously this is your man The Real Spiderfang, aka the Nope Pope, aka Three-Piece Crank Addict, aka Spiderfang, aka Frosty the All-Organic Hummus-Eating Snowman, aka Lemme Just Say that it is with great pleasure to say that it is the first day of Spiderriffmas here at Riff Market. This week and next I got lined up some of the hottest talent in the game to tell you all what's what. What?! For the next week or so you're gonna be getting your internet Neutrogena on at the riff sink and every damn day there's gonna be like a hundred spiders crawling out the drain being like "damn lover you're gonna need a lot more than 2.5% salicylic to stop this breakout"--let the boys be boys am I right?!?! Each contributor to the 12 Days of Spiderriffmas was told listen: OK I'll let you jump on a record, but listen Kite Runner! You got 35 minutes max. Because I do not want no Bonfire of the Vanitas like last year. So the only rule was: Thou shalt not write more than 35 minutes--capito? 2006 may have been the Year of the Dog but you don't gotta ask Charlotte to know 2007 is the Year of Some Pig. Rell! XOXO. -FANG

---

YEAR IN RIFFS: BEN DOUGAN
Back In Dillon

“I was wondering, I have an extra ticket to the Decemberists, and I thought maybe…”
“Oh… yeah!”
-Julie Taylor and Matt Saracen, Friday Night Lights


Dillon, Texas
11.02.07

The standing-room-only crowd is buzzing with excitement. This is the night they’ve been dreaming about ever since tickets sold out in 45 seconds on the day the concert was announced two years ago. After a seemingly endless national tour, The Decemberists are back in Dillon.

The venue is a veritable who’s who of local celebrities. Up front, Panthers coach Eric Taylor wonders aloud whether organist Jenny Conlee will cover Laura Veirs’s guest vocals on “Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then).” Meanwhile, running back Smash Williams eagerly explains to car dealer Buddy Garrity that “The Bachelor and the Bride” is a reference to the Marcel Duchamp sculpture La mariée mis à nu par ses célibataires, même--of which Garrity, judging by his bored look, is obviously well aware already.

“Shanty for the Arethusa!” Tim Riggins shouts, in between long pulls on a handle of Cutty Sark, which he says he drinks because the logo reminds him of the cover art for Castaways and Cutouts. “Fucking play Shanty for the Arethusa!” Guidance counselor Tami Taylor just shakes her head, as if to say: Yeah, like they’d open with Shanty.

Finally, the band appears and – as Decemberists fan club president Tyra Collette would later describe it – everyone surges toward the stage “like a wave cresting over a brigantine’s gunwale.”

It’s Friday night, and nobody could give fuck one about high school football.

97 S'FANGS

Labels: year-in-riffs-2007