RIFF MARKET

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YYES! It's the FIFTH DAY of Spiderriffmas hosted by your man The Real Spiderfang, and I will give the beeper number for the guy who used to play Code-man on Step By Step to the first person who can correctly guess what my true love gave to me today, the fifth day of Spiderriffmas. What's that?!

FIVE GOLDEN LINKS!

That's right, I've joined Linkpasser. It's a social bookmarking website, the best of the internet picked by your friends. So while I was in bed this morning switching out my road wheels for something more all-terrain--let me tell you, that pint of Sahadis babaganush, that six-pack of microbrew I pick up from this guy parked behind the adult book store on Hoyt, these are all-organic food stuffs lover, no preservatives, no antibiotics in the feed, and let me tell you, they do not deliver themselves--while I was in bed pumping tire, my main girl Wife Huckabee was up on the internet, passing links to your boy FANG, sliding up and down the world wide web like Zap on a joust pole. Lycos.com, we takin over!

Each contributor to the 12 Days of Spiderriffmas was told: OK I'll let you jump on a record, but listen Kite Runner! You got 35 minutes max. Because I do not want no Bonfire of the Vanitas like last year. So the only rule was: Thou shalt not write more than 35 minutes--capito?

This week I got some serious names lined up. I got my man Curtis Hanson, Don Pollyanna's supposed to holler like Wednesday, plus I got my own Spiderriff I'm working on, it's called GENESIS. Sonic CD, holler! Game Genie, get your paper up! FANG

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YEAR IN RIFFS: JAMES HARVEY
Castle On A Cloud

I am sitting on a crowded R train, discreetly changing tracks on my iPod so the guy who just sold me a blank CD-ROM for 10 bucks won't notice I'm listening to Act 1 of Les Miserables. He's laughing, for two reasons: 1) I bought the CD even though I saw it clearly labeled as a CD-ROM and knew immediately it wasn't compatible with any type of computer I've owned in about a decade, and 2) He caught a glimpse of me queuing up showtunes, which tells him I was probably lying when I admitted that I did, in fact, enjoy remixed rap music. Just to prove him wrong on reason number two, here are some remixes I made in 2007:

"James Harvey's extended break-up Remix": The Wrens "The Meadowlands" in an iTunes playlist, set on shuffle and repeat.

"Ode to NYC (The Remix)": In a large iTunes playlist, I import various sound bytes of Wesley Autrey, the Subway Hero. I open up the iTunes cross-fade and set it to some ridiculous level, like 12 seconds or something, so I can imagine, in the brief moments of overlap when one clip ends and the next one begins, that a second Wesley Autrey is out there somewhere.

"Crank That (Club Edit)": Soulja Boy's "Crank That" playing with my iTunes equalizer set to +12 dB in the following ranges: 32, 64, 125, and 250. Ideally, you have like six of my Dell laptop computers playing this song at the same time because the speakers are kind of tinny.

"Crank That (Explicit Version)": Same as the original song, but with an added introduction explaining Soulja Boy's Superman dance mocks crippled people.

"Sam Harris vs. Richard Dawkins (Seminars for Long Term Thinking Mashup)": Cut up lectures by Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins, edited together as if they were debating religion. Dawkins responds to each point Harris makes by saying nearly the same thing, except that in a debate context it seems as if he's just affecting a British accent and sarcastically mimicking everything Harris says. The crowd thinks this is hilarious. Sam Harris's closing remarks are interrupted numerous times by the dude who screamed "Judas!" at Bob Dylan.

97 S'FANGS

Labels: year-in-riffs-2007