RIFF MARKET

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Each contributor to the 12 DAYS OF SPIDERRIFFMAS was told: OK I'll let you jump on a record, but listen Kite Runner! You got 35 minutes max. Because I do not want no Bonfire of the Vanitas like last year. So the only rule was: Thou shalt not write more than 35 minutes--capito? Also if anybody knows what happened to my man Don Pollyanna get at me! Also if anybody knows a good dentist-- FANG.

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YEAR IN RIFFS: DANNY CHUN
My Favorite Part of the Song

It was a great year for music. I don’t think anyone would argue that 2007 was all about the quarter notes. And if December’s new releases are any indication, ’08 will be the year of the half rest, and that excites the fuck out of me.

Anyway, this piece is about Rock Band. You're all as familiar with that game as I am, right? No? Here we go!


SETTING: NEW YORK’S LEGENDARY HEEBIE JEEBIE’S.
I’m so excited for this show. The band, The Farts, is from London but they won a private jet at a concert and now they’re in America looking for a sound guy so that next they can get roadies. I’ve never heard them but they say the drummer, KindBud1337, is really good, plus he’s got a new pair of pants that he’s pretty happy with. Oh weird, that fan over there looks exactly like me. Come to think of it, there are only like four different kinds of people in this whole audience. And they’re all pumping their fists in unison. As am I.

Nice, the band just got on stage. They're doing a random setlist, which is one of those concerts where the band doesn't know what song they're going to play until it starts. I wish they'd just play their hits, like "Say It Ain’t So" and "Dani California."

There’s the singer, a black guy with sunglasses and a leisure suit. And his amazing guitarist, a long-haired goth with spiky shoulder pads. And their rock-solid bass player, a girl in a miniskirt. And there’s KindBud1337 on the drums. Boy am I ready to hear some rock music!

Yes, they’re playing their new song "Vasoline" by Stone Temple Pilots! I love this song! KindBud1337 is really tearing it up on drums. Tap tap tap, tap tap tap -- the man is out of control! Every time he hits the drum, four notes come out. Uh oh here comes a yellow note...he got it! He made ten notes in a row without messing up -- I’m going to start appreciating him twice as much per note. If he does it again, my appreciation will triple. When it comes to rock music, nothing matters like consistency. Oh man, his drum fills are awful. How can his normal playing be so magical, yet his drum fills so horrendous?

This is my favorite part of the song. But the drummer keeps messing up! And now he's been kicked out of the band, mid-song. He's just sitting there doing nothing. Wait, the guitar player tilted his guitar and now the drummer can play again. I guess I'm fine with that. All right, the song's over. What will they play next?

“29 Fingers" by the Konks? What is this shit? I’m out of here. Oh wait, I can’t move.

Jesus, his drum fills are terrible.

97 S'FANGS

Labels: year-in-riffs-2007