RIFF MARKET

Hospitalized Again [ft. YouTube]

Woke up this morning to/with/because of shooting pains in the back right of my head. Me being me, I googled the shit out of "shooting pains in the back right of my head" and the apocalyptic results psyched me out so bad that I had one of my now-infamous dizzy spells, knocking all over the kitchen, falling into this metal bucket my roommates normally use for beer in the heat and umbrellas in the rain, waking up my roommate David who saw me naked in the beer bucket and assumed I was on something. He got me to Beth Israel, stayed the whole time, then bought me a bagel with cream cheese even though it was just a nerve pinch, nothing too neurological, so this post is for him.

Roommate David: 99/100 RIFFS

Cuz Sometimes the Weekends Rock Long But Not Hard

01 Music in Miami Vice

I could have forgiven the fact that MV the MOV was an uncomfortably breezy Traffic--half the time I kept asking myself what's the fucking point, why are these guys so upset, the drugs are gonna get where they need to, if not by this clown by another, where's the moral debate and the bitches strung out and the dire straits that regularly force kids to shit out dope vials for a living--but the soundtracking absolutely KILLED it for me. Has anybody besides Tarantino figured out how to use songs in movies yet? I'm watching Jamie Foxx or whoever rail his girl and I'm thinking to myself, you know what, sex scenes aren't bad after all. All the fucking sudden:



6/100 RIFFS

02 The Rapture

The image above that's not Chris Cornell wearing crotchstring jeans and singing about how much of a shitbag he is, that's from the video for the next Rapture single "Get Myself Into it." The band, wearing white tuxedos, has been playing the tune at a rollerskating rink, and Matt Safer is about to get into a skateoff with this dandy who's probably the best skater in the five-borough area and the likely inspiration for Triple 5 Soul, the Rub, Turntable Lab, and Catchdubs combined. It all starts with that hat. You should also know that there's a pretty hot-looking girl on the line, also a skater, so it's not like Safer's picking a fight with this dandy over nothing.

This video will leak soon enough, and I'd rather it be your ass than mine on the YouTube v. Mercury Records line. But it's totally brilliant--narrative without imposing on the song or the band's new levity, funny and nostalgic without being too referential or hokey. Turns out this is yet another Ben Dickinson/Waverly Films effort, who did Jason Forrest's "Steppin' Off" and Juan Maclean's "Give Me Every Little Thing."

Bigger question: Three years later, can we admit that Echoes was and remains fantastic? I listened to this in the gym yesterday and don't understand why people got so upset that the album had slow songs on it. Are you kidding me? Those songs are for incline bench crunches.


seat or boner?

"Get Myself Into It" Video: 81/100 RIFFS
Ben Dickinson: 77/100 RIFFS
The Rapture in general: 75/100 RIFFS
Boners in general: 66/100 RIFFS

03 Rick Ross vs. Simian Mobile Disco: "Hustlin' Hustler"

Congrats to Rollie Pemberton a/k/a Cadence Weapon, who wins 2006's "Rick Ross is not a great rapper, but..." award for this mash. Neither original did it for me (and I swear to God if more people heard the Runners' track for Baby/Lil Wayne's Like Father Like Son tape a while back they would agree "Hustlin'" is garbage in comparison too), so this is something of a miracle to my ears, especially considering the inspiration is word play.



Download: "Hustlin' Hustler"

72/100 RIFFS