RIFF MARKET

---

Throughout this week and probably next, Riff Market is proud to publish some friends' remarks on Music 2006, with the emphasis on riffs. Each contributor was asked to spend only 35 minutes on his piece, though there were no particulars given topic-wise. Check back mid-day for the next one. Thanks for reading. --NBS

---

YEAR IN RIFFS: CHRIS OTT
200-RIFF: THIS SONG IS CALLED GIVING A SHIT

So I guess I need to come out with it: Yes, I am/was Gerard Vs. Bear, and Yes, I could have done a better job of concealing it if I’d had time to keep up with Shallow Rewards. SR-goes-down/GVB-comes-up was an egregious synchronicity and I feel like a total half-ass for not pulling it off, but my new CBS sitcom Asshole Dad the Rock Critic is taking up more time than anticipated. People told me babies sleep all day - that is total bullshit. (Actually nobody told me that and I’ve been an uncle since I was 13 so this was pretty much no alarms/no surprises).

Duh: my main time drag has been a certain free weekly column wherein I blasted the Pipettes and nobody gave a shit, then said pretty much the same thing about Colin Meloy and it was like Flow My Tears the Policeman Said x 2000 in all-caps, from his ex-girlfriend the children’s book illustrator to Chris “Honeywell Round” Walla’s idiotic “U R JEALOUS CAT” letter, posted on his posey personal website (love that laid-back white-tee belly shot Chris – you should have been on Laguna Beach what a gyp did they call u??!!1).

Colin Meloy has a Google Alert on his name: he emailed me before my editor even knew the piece was online. Then yeah Colin got sick and canceled part of the tour and bro that’s a real shame because really I’m all for you but uhh, two other people in your band emailed me and Didn’t Give a Shit about the piece. Kiss your whip’s ass for setting up this Colbert schtick, ‘cos you were this close to a faceplant on the half-pipe of OOPS up until about five seconds ago.

[FYI Crane Wife will crack 120,000 in January, which is in all likelihood more than I’ll ever sell of anything, but after some complicated math it still adds up to Not Enough Money for Anyone in the Band to Survive On for More Than Three Years. You think the specter of that lesson might be the reason people like Co-co and Ryan Adams have such thin skin? Cry your way through Conrad TOTD’s interview on Pitchfork: dude’s got my back on this one.]

SHINY SHINY (S)HERR RIFFS, 2006 EDITION:

Labels: year-in-riffs-2006