RIFF MARKET

And the Livin' Is Easy

In the tradition of hearing things in Tompkins Square Park and reporting back to the internet at large, Sunday I saw an old black man sitting on a bench, playing George Gershwin's "Summertime" on the tenor saxophone. He was more of a grandpop-style old black man than a Morgan Freeman-style old black man or the old black man from Requiem For A Dream who facilitates the "ass to ass" line, and he was wearing those high crotch pants that, upon sitting, pretty much guaranteed him an artificial pants boner. He had brought a collapsible music stand, set it up in front of him, sat down on the end of a bench, right at a crossroads where anybody who's walking through the park has to hear him play "Summertime," right at the edge of the bench, perfect posture, exquisite fake boner, runs through some long tones and scales, and then fucking bombs "Summertime," one of my all-time favorite songs ever. No note went with the other, one too sharp the next too flat, and thank the Criz he only played the head. After he got through the song, he would catch his breath more or less, look around to see if anybody might protest, then go back to murdering the song, "Summertime," in the summer, get it, ain't that nice.

Now pardon me if I see an old black man holding a beat-up tenor saxophone in Tompkins Square Park, sitting on a park bench in front of a collapsible music stand, perfect posture, running through some scales then turning to "Summertime" (for our benefit, not his--he obviously knows this song by heart), and I expect him to rip shit like no other. Pardon me. But this is Tompkins Square Park we're talking about. This is a very special park. On Wednesday, e.g., the park is having a Dog Prom, and several dogs will probably be dressed in tuxedos while other dogs are dressed in dresses and, this being T.S.P., there will probably be some dog protesters too, and that's pretty spectacular. What I'm saying is that this park has standards. You'd think an old black man with a tenor saxophone and a pants boner would respect the park.

There is no age cut-off for instrument-learning or park-playing or oldman-being, granted. I fully advocate more men and women (the old kind) to take up an instrument, woodshed a lessonbook, play with those Jamey Aebersold music-minus-one tapes til they feel comfortable taking their jams to the clubs, buy a pair of pants with at least partial boner-proofing--honestly, whatever they want to do. There are not enough old people making music right now and I think that's a lie, a huge problem, considering.

All I ask, old people, is that you look at this:



Is it a guy playing jazz on a sax, or a lady's face?

22/100 RIFFS