RIFF MARKET

Pronounced 'Murder'

You've heard about Adam here before--he and I used to coordinate our exercise music such that we would be running to Tyrannosaurus Hives at the same exact time--and you may know him as Pitchfork's next big breakout star. Saturday Night Live thought enough of him to work his name into the Neil Young sketch too, possibly because he's a founding member of the Kirby Puckett Games, which apparently is this thing he does with his friends from high school, I don't know much else, he's very secretive about it. Today's special guest riffer, Adam takes on Pissed Jeans, Ratatat, and Morrissey.

Pissed Jeans: "Don't Need Smoke to Make Myself Disappear" (MP3) These guys already sound as good as the Jesus Lizard on Head, and they're from Allentown, PA, so you know they'll never run low on Anytown, USA angst. As a Reading native, I can really relate to these guys. I'm assuming, of course, that they were also too scared to go on Dorney Park's Steel Force (the East Coast's longest, tallest, fastest coaster in 1997) and had to suffer the embarrassment of sitting on a wooden bench eating Dippin' Dots while their little sister bravely boarded the ride, and they'd probably agree with me that Yocco's hot dogs are overrated. Anyhoo, if they can get the guitar and bass to sound like they're playing the same song, we'll have ourselves the next great asshole noise band, and at least the best Keystone State band since Live. 70/100 RIFFS

Ratatat: "Lex" (MP3) Basically a shameless attempt at conjuring people's fond memories of "17 Years" and, I guess, Bach. 46/100 RIFFS

Morrissey: Ringleader of the Tormentors / "In the Future When All's Well" (MP3) I feel like such a cookie-cutter indie guy falling for this album, like I'm parodying myself. Thing is, Morrissey sounds like he's also engaged in some self-parody, and when you pretend he's not a real person with real feelings, his lonely bastard lyrics here are at their funniest since "Bigmouth Strikes Again." I'm kinda tired of the Oscar Wilde comparisons at this point, but in a way they're true--Moz's career path matches an author's more than it does a rock star's. He'll be pulling this shit when he's 65 and it won't be weird like the Stones trapping Super Bowl audiences under an animatronic tongue. It'll be weird like how my 65 year-old little league coach used to sing "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" during batting practice. 67/100 RIFFS