RIFF MARKET

It's like walking around with no clothes on, but here I am day 5, listening to nothing on the streets, calling all those "LOST IPOD: FOUND" numbers and offering proof of ownership with obscene song and artist titles that make the iPod finder-person feel uncomfortable. "I have all of Anal Cunt's discography, including their Bag of Dicks EP and the Fistfucker 7-inch. Oh that one doesn't have the Bag of Dicks EP? Well I guess it's not my iPod."

So while all of you are downloading boring songs on the internet, I'm OUT ON THE STREETS HERE, finding the newest, realest talent, taking photos with a 35mm camera and posting the photos on my door. I'm like my very own The Fader magazine.

Here's a transcript of my podcast on some hot new acts on the streets of New York:

Bums on the 1 Train: Currently the latest bum-musician trend looks like--and sounds like--two bums singing old gospel songs, harmonizing pretty closely too, while another bum shakes a bag of change to the beat. After the song ends the guy opens up his bag of change and asks people to put more in there for him. I liked him so much I handed him a five-spot, but he got proud quick. "Only change."

"Ringtones": Have you heard about these? Instead of it just vibrating, you can program your cellular phone to make a sound when somebody calls. On my phone you can choose from classical tunes like "Fur Elise" and some modern classical tunes like "Ring #5" or "Train Whistle." I'm pretty much loving "Train Whistle."

Lady On Bleecker Street Talking About How She's Going to Become a Singer: She's taking lessons right now from this guy, and the guy's going to stretch out her vocal range by at least three octaves or she's totally getting her money back. "How much money is that?" asked her friend, another woman who was presumably a singer. She sounded like she had learned the ropes. The soon-to-be singer rolled her eyes and shook her head: "You don't even want to know." And that was that. The other lady didn't even want to know.